Heroin or Villian?

Well it has been a busy time of late.

The ex (yay) has a girlfriend now - and for once I wasn't the big bad witch (according to my eldest). It was he - for he had chosen another. He is now living about 8 miles away in a 1 bedroom flat - paid for by the tax man. He is sharing with his current lady (of foreign descent) - however still can't manage to pay any maintenance for his children. Good job I am an easy going person. I realise that the eldest in particular needs to have regular access to her dad - no matter what I think.

Anyway, I have a good "virtual" social life at present and am enjoying catching up with all sorts of people on facebook. It is a crazy world we live in now. Technology has made the world even smaller.

My scans have been clear, the chickens are laying, the dog gets taken out for walks in the countryside and the children are healthy and happy.

Now I just need to sort out my neighbour - oh and the lady that has been verbally abusive at work for the last 3 years.--Other than that life is tickety boo. I hope it is with you

Take care

Til next time

Poppyfields

After my last blog I was phoned up to be told that the other half had been in an accident. By the sounds of it he was lucky to survive and that it wasn't much worse. He had been travelling from his parents house (in parents car) to Oxford when he must have blacked out. My guess it was a form of drug related collapse - but that is still up in the air. Anyway he crashed into another car - which was a write off. His car spun over and caught fire. He can remember nothing about that - all he remembers is waking up upside down with the car on fire and not being able to get out!It is only because of 2 volunteers that pulled him out that he didn't roast! Never a dull moment.

Anyway he ended up being taken to the JR with a hole for an elbow and we (me and the children) visited him at least twice a week and he was there for 2 months. He has been found accommodation and seems happier now. He has also been taking anti depressants as well as methadone.

I have had an interesting time catching up with old friends. I met up with a dear friend who lives in Spain with his partner. We hadn't seen each other for 15years. I also met up with another friend I used to share a bedsit tower with - whom I haven't seen for 20 years. Do you know it is so refreshing to find that they haven't changed and are still the wonderful people I knew back then. Also out of the blue came an email from another good friend who I haven't seen for 18 years! Memory land is a wonderful thing!

The children are good most of the time - but they have their ups and downs but I love them dearly. Our next door neighbour woke us up this morning shouting at her children. It is quiet distressing and frustrating as there is very little I can do. Any advice gratefully received. I had thought about putting a leaflet through their door for parenting classes. What do you think?

I am good and now started to think of myself and trying to get back into shape after 4 years in the wilderness of taking care of everyone else first. Now is my time and I intend to enjoy it.

Take care

Happy New Year to everyone!

After my last blog I had a scan and it turns out the tumour was growing again on the side it had been removed from! Can you believe it. Anyway I had to wait a month and have another scan and it was still growing! So I had to have another operation. Just as big as the last one - but this time cut vertically instead of horizontally. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach by a horse. The thing that never ceases to amaze me is how quickly the body repairs itself. It is now about 2 and a half months since my operation and I am about 100% better.

The children went to stay with my Dad and Sister whilst I was in hospital. Their dad had since bought a houseboat in Manchester and I still didn't trust him very much. Anyway the kids had a great time and had halloween down there. My Dad was very concerned as he was also off to Australia in November and wanted to be sure I was good before he left.

Dad and Jackie (his wife -my mum passes away 21 years ago after developing ovarian cancer). It is very hot out there and although they have done all the touristy things they are finding it hard going.

Children had a good Christmas - well my daughter did anyway - she got what she wanted - but little one was bit disappointed - as I don't think he got all he wanted! But it was his birthday at the begining of December and he had lots of spiderman things and a party - so he had a fantastic day that day!

Their dad has since discovered that buying a houseboat was maybe not one of his best descions and is now trying to sell it. He has no money and is therefore not contributing to the up keep of the children - but to be honest I didn't really expect that. It was more unexpected when he paid maintance for the first 3 months when we moved into our new house.

House is still good and is a happy place and hope to spend a long time here. Neighbours are good - but I still haven't quite worked out the politics of the close - and am trying to stay out of that side of things.

See ya

Have fun

Live long and Prosper

Sorry I haven't written for a long time! So much has happened!

I was diagnosed with a large ovarian cyst and eventually got admitted into hospital. I felt like I was 9 months pregnant by the time I arrived and only had 2 items of clothing left that actually fitted me (needless to say they were of the elasticated waist variety).

While I was in hospital the children went to stay with my sister in Cornwall and had a rare old time. Himself found it difficult to come and see me on time and when I got out of hospital I discovered the reason why.

My friends and family have all been vaery supportive. I had to have a major operation as the tumour was so large (apparently the size of a rugby ball) and I lost a lot of blood and had to have a blood transfusion. On returning home I was not supposed to do anything much for at least 2 weeks, but gentle exercise. Anyway the children came home, which was great as I really missed them. His lordship rarely came to talk to me and begrudgingly made me a cup of tea every now and then.

On my 3 day home I discovered the remains of his drug taking again. I decided to tackle him on the issue. He became very defensive and tried to deny it so I turned off the electricity to his shed. He turned it back on and so I turned it off and locked him out of the house so that he couldn't turn it on again. Within minutes he had smashed the kitchen window as I was standing there. I had glass in my hair and blood coming out of a cut. I phoned the police. I was very scared as this was unpredictable behaviour on his behalf and I was still in a weakened state after my operation. Anyway the police came and took him away for criminal damage.

Since that day he hasn't been back inside the house. He had regular contact with the children and tell them how evil I was for throwing daddy away with no where to go - but I had to be strong for my children so that we were financial solvent and not subjected to his mood swings anymore.

After several months of him disappearing, being reported missing to the police, informing his parents of his illness, him being suspended from his job and me taking the flack for most of it - I arranged to sell the house and have dealt with solicitors, estate agents and terrible removals men and managed to give him £30,000 whilst increasing my mortgage by £20,000 so that we could have a clean break.

We moved and the house is good, the neighbours are good and the children love it as they are close to all their friends.

Had a set to with their father last night as he is living in a van and told him to get a place to live so that we can set up some proper access for the children instead of wandering into my garden anytime and spending time with them their. I also told him to get a job and whether I could get child maintenance. He then proceeded to tell the children lies on how much money I had given him and what an evil witch I am living in my evil dwelling.

So that has been my life in the last few months - oh and the children have both started new schools and I have had to increase my hours at work to make ends meet. But at least I am financially solvent and the children have a stable homestead. It is fundamentally a happy house. Lets hope it remains that way! I have a check up scan on Friday to assess what to do about my new growth in my pelvic area. (It turned out it was borderline ovarian tumour previously). I am hoping for a good result. Surely my luck has to change soon?

Hi there

Well, I have had a busy few weeks. I was admitted to hospital with my ovarian cyst - which turned out larger than expected. The size of a rugby ball apparently and had its own blood supply. Anyway it was a big operation and I had to have a blood transfusion. Turns out to be borderline cancer. I am seeing the consultant tomorrow to find out what the follow up treatment should be.

Three days on returning from hospital I discovered the other half had still been doing heroin. Lucklily the children were with my sister so they were ok. So we seperated after a lot of upset and I am now a single parent with two lovely children.

Of course I am back to work soon, but will have to be reduced hours as I am sole childcare now. Work have been very good about it and are being supportive.

The final thing to happen beside both computers dying on me is that my lovely cat has gone missing. I got a phone call tonight to say they think they took my cat to the animal sancutary. So fingers crossed that it is him and he will be back with us soon.

Hopefully next blog will be slightly more light hearted.

I haven't written for a while as things here have been quiet hectic. I have discovered within the last few weeks that I have an ovarian cyst the size of a cantloupe melon. You would think that you would notice something growing inside you, particularly that size, but no. Not me!

I thought I was putting on weight, but put it down to not cycling anymore and giving up smoking. - turns out I was wrong. Anyhow, I have had various tests and scans and am due to be operated on within the next 30 days. At least it is sounding like it isn't cancerous (a major fear as my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 45. She had a hysterectomy, but it appeared again in the bowels about 5 years later of which she never recovered)

Eldest is off on a school trip this week and so is spending a very cold and windy time up in Shropshire. Little on is loving the uniterrupted attention he is now getting from me and himself.

Some good news however - I won £50 on the premium bonds! Hoorah. I have had them for 40 odd years and they have finally given me something back!

Hi

Well things have been quiet recently. My other half is back at work full time and seems to be almost enjoying it. The staff have changed since he has been off, and have been replaced by normal minded people - which makes a huge difference.

We survived half term, although my youngest wanted it to be a school day everyday of the holiday as he missed his friends. We only managed to catch up with one of them throughout the holidays. This brought on another curious interaction with a boy from my eldests old school. Eldest had been taken out of old school due to bullying issues - a boy kept punching her and although after several meetings with teachers/headteacher and various solutions mentioned this bullying continued right in front of the teachers. Needless to say enough is enough and I moved her out of the school (along with 2 other children for similar reasons). Anyway we went to an activity centre with my two children plus a friend from new school. One of the lads from old school was there and ended up punching a lad. They left shortly afterwards, but at least it reassured me that I did the right thing to move eldest from previous school.

Went to see Charlottes Web and found tears coming down my face towards the end, of which I am so embarrassed as I don't even like spiders! It is a lovely story of friendship. I had forgotten how touching it really is. Needless to say the two children wondered what was the matter with me!

We also went to a swimming leisure centre with flumes and slides and wave machines. Chhildren loved it - and I have to say I did enjoy the feeling of being young again as I whizzed down the slide.

So the children had a good holiday, even though it was tempered with feeling dodgy with some stomach virus - but on the whole it was good week

Bye

Well, we are now into the 3rd week I think of himself giving up heroin. Things seem to be OK, although I did find a packet of heroin and an old coke can, which had been used to smoke something on. I confronted him about it and he said it was old stuff he had found whilst clearing out the shed (which is where he would get his fix from previously). When I asked why he had not thrown it out he said he was going to give it to a friend. With friends like that who needs enemies! Anyhow I had already thrown it away. So apart from that little incident everything is calm. I do go through his shed at least once a day to see if I can find any evidence and I am watching his mannerisims all the time we are talking. I still do not believe that he is off the stuff, and I don't think I will completely for at least 1 year. He has lied to me on so many occasions that it is hard to trust again.

On a lighter note I took the little ones and the dog to a wildlife park on Saturday. The dog was feeling very pleased with himself after barking at a roaring lion and a rhino. However jumping in with the otters was his downfall and I only just managed to drag him out by his lead before the little otters got too attached to his legs! He was suitably sorry after that and was quiet the obedient dog. We then went to the gift shop and my little boy bought a magic wand and a whoopee cushion (which I think he was more pleased with than seeing all the lovely animals - even crocodiles) and my girl bought a zebra pencil case and some galaxy chocolate.

All in all things are good, but never letting your guard down is a tiring business

Well - touch wood - things have so far been quiet on the drug abuse front. My other half has now gone 2 weeks without taking anything. He has been a member of the family, we have conversations about everything and nothing. He has started back at work full time. I am just praying that this time it will last. I am all too well aware that relapses are common in this type of drug addiction.

Anyway, the children are healthy and happy and life in our household are peaceful. It is just waiting for something to upset the apple cart and see what happens, but fingers, toes, legs and everything else crossed that this time will be the last!

Well, it is a week now since his lordship came home from my sisters. And so far so good - touch wood! At present he is off the drugs, is being a reasonable member of the family. Spending time at home with us, eating and being almost like the man I used to know.

He has started back at work full time, which I don't know whether that is good or bad. Good in that it gives him a purpose in life again or bad as it may be too much pressure too soon.

Anyway, for now things seem OK. But lets just take it one step at a time and see how we go. I am aware that heroin users are prone to replapses, but I am hoping that it really is in the past and we can start to live our lives again.